Drawing the line

I perceive myself as lost and unlucky. That, from my point of view. Though, some, the rest who see me, they say I'm lucky , blessed and poignantly qouted as, "Lu ada onglah!"

They might have a point. But what point is it? Frankly, I do realise now how some people can just leave their comfortable and rewarding corporate job for something totally out of the box. Passion has got a lot to do with it. Passion for what you are doing.

For the sake of keeping into perspective, I will just stick to the main topic of me writing this post..my love for music. Just to update everyone..I have finally found a group of mates who have met all my expectations when forming a band. The bassist is adaptable, with many styles to boot. The most prized possession..Idi, the drummer. Brilliant in every way. My sister, Nadya who brings the jazz to the sounds and my ever faithfull buddy Acat, who is the third heat.

To me this group is perfect. However..they are some complications. Idi, the prize..lives in Melaka and commutes every weekend just to jam with us. My sis nadya, though has good vocal articulation lacks the energy and volume to convey the demands of rock music. That plus her waivering stamina I fear will not sustain a 45 min gig. And last but not least.. my buddy Acat, who tries his best to help me within his tight schedule.

Then there is the impending possibility of my sis moving up to Kampar, Perak as UTAR will be positioned there. This happens to be the best employer my sister has had and her future is good in this university. She deserves the best

Again..just when things get right..life throws you a curve ball and ur back to square one. The future of this band seems bleak.

But thats it? Maybe I am suppose to make a choice. Maybe this band thing is futile. A weak attempt at this moment to re-kindle the sparkle of life I once had. And this made me realise.. I've not moved on, in life at all.

My career, though to some may look illustrious, is actually me being very lucky and blessed by The Almighty. Just happen to be around a place where I stand out and the ol managemnt are looking for young blood. Place me beside my ol frends at collage or uni, and I would be a puny minute dot amongst the shine of their brilliance.

And what do I have to be proud for since I have earned honest money? Most of it wasted on cars and boy toys and women and non of which has been spent on charity. The worst is I lack the direction for charity. Most of the time, charity doesnt involve much money..just your time and attention. Something I do not do.

I'm jealous of my buddy Acat. Got a babe for a fiance'. Still got his mom and the best makes the best of his time with charity. People like his ex-wife do not deserve even an iota of his self.

Which comes to my point. I have to accept the fact..my buddy has moved on. He has got a reason to live more than ever now. Love in his life, he has found. As of me? Thats where the music comes in. The reason, the part where I can just let go and fall in an embrace of melodies and chorus.

The funny things is, I can see my selfish side turn up more than ever. I want the band to stick on. I want this magical music experiance to keep on forever. But where do I draw that deviding line between what can happen..and what will happen?

Nothing is forever. A line has to be drawn, one day..