The lost and ancient art of communication: a reflection onto thee

I realised recently, that not only does my 'kilang' suffer from the lack of communication, but due to such adverse exposure to this environment, this failure of communication has become part of my psychic anatomy. And so it is, this post is ment as an expression of my guilt and forgiveness for all the wrongs I have done due to this personal dominant deficiency.

Victim 1

It has been sumtime now that I have had a fallout with big sis. For what you may inquire? Over nothing but my own ego over matters that I presumed are relevent and reflective to myself at that particular point. I never understood my big sis's failure to have a fix relationship once. Also I never understood her frustration in life and why she perceives that all the world is againts her. I grew upset with her prudent display of arrogance towards all matters that she holds, to the point that even in a capsule of mistakes, she would maintain her conviction of her actions. For this, I seek the appology for such perceptions and assumptions. For this, I realised how tough the world can be when you are all alone and you feel no one understands what you are going through. For this, I understand how hard it is to find decent relationships when working commitments get the better of you. For this, I understand that sumtimes, just sumtimes, the last thing you need is for somebody to tell you you can't do it when much has been done under your own accord. For this, I beg forgiveness for not understanding the terms you were in then, which are the terms I am in now.

Victim 2

There was a stage when I thought I was the luckiest guy on earth to have close frends and a special one I call bestfrend. Then as times past, commitments at the job intensifies, absence of hellos followed by, life took on a different time schedule. Reality check, in your absence your bestfrend found solace in his other close frends. My, my the green jealosy eyes, for I thought I was forsakened. And..for that I seek the appology. For the times I should have called rather than to expect a call. For the times I should be patient and steadfast on the frendship rather than expecting reciprocation for your efforts. For that, I seek forgiveness of believing I mean nothing to you when in fact, the frendship has never died. It just needed a "hello".

Victim 3

To the love of my life, Anisa. To the one that I have given my heart, I sought to understand our existence once. Clashes of perception and behaviour provided the colors of our illustrascious demise. For that, I seek forgiveness for not turning back that faithfull Saturday, when at that time our love still ment strongly and all it took was for me to get back on that no 24 bus and run back into ur arms again. For this I seek forgiveness for not fighting back the circumstances, to easily fall short of my own self pity, thinkin that u deserved better when I should be the one who will make you happy. For this, I seek forgiveness for succumbing to my ego of not wanting to be an option, to raise the white flag rather than go down the path of love bleeding with conviction and died knowing you have fought with all your heart to win yours.

Victim 4

Sumtimes, maybe sumtimes we should be wary of what we wish and what we promise ourselves. Never make promises you cant keep. And never make rules that you know would probably bite at you one way or another. To my soulmate, I beg you forgiveness. I beg forgiveness for the fact that I could have just called and ask to hear your voice. I should have not waited when you have always been there waiting. I should have never put up this cold persona to turn you off and beg you to forget me, when all I want now is for you to be with me. I should have never assumed that things were in the bag, when in fact, it was just the beginning. And above all I should have just ask, let my heart fly with all the grace that to have me entirely intoxicated by you..and not feel the fear of the unknown certainty.

In conclusion, all my victims suffered from my ego and reluctance to just clear the air. And such air could be just cleared with a simple hello. Again, communication. Thank you my soulmate for showing me the error of my way.

Now, if only I could find away to seek forgiveness for that snickers bar I pinched at 7 Eleven during the 1993 nationwide blackout...hmmmm