The Journey...

It has been awhile. In fact, actually it has been ages since I visited this blog. Took time to step back and stare. Took a deep look at what I wrote, what sense I was trying to make, or if there was any sense at all. Well...still trying to figure it out.

A wise operator here in the factory once said, that things are not what they seem. What you think you know, you know not. What you know not, you actually are pretty damn good at it. What does this leads to.. well I recently had a journey. A journey that more or less made me realised that sumtimes you need to crash and be jolted once and awhile. It helps.

Few months ago, I got my self admitted in for what appeared to be denggi. Yes, The Ahmad Zafrullah was admitted to hospital. Not to say that I'm that superfit (which I believe I am, but thats just what I believe innit!) but for the past 27 years of my existence I have never been hospitalised. Anyway, denggi was common. So I thought, ahh well just another day. Try to enjoy it while I can. But then suddenly my blood test results was perculiar. Thus... begins the the very emotional rollercoster ride of blood test results. I had like this fluctuating platlet levels which made the doctor a bit worried. He eventually sent my results to a hemeatologist and we waited patiently (yeah right!) for the results. Speculation grew with every result. THe dreaded assumption was...maybe sufferring from leukemia.

Leukemia. Hoho. Thats pretty great. Hey lads, got like few years to live. Or not. Hope to visit Kinabalu though. The fear and redemption at that moment was pretty intense. But then.. it was maybe. Yes! There might be a chance that all this is a dream, a mistake, maybe I'm drunk or sumthin? This is one bad HANGOVER!! Wake up! Wake up!

But wait! Its not a dream. I'm sure coz they just pinched me with steroids and to all who doubt this it is true.. streroids do give you wet dreams. The nurse told me this. It was kinda cute. She said, "steroid nih nanti kekadang dia macm ade effect sikit. Dose kite bagi nih agak besar so kalau rase nak terkeluar tuh, jgn tahan kasi keluar aje" And I am like, "Dia buat kite tak tahan kencing ke?" And she was giggling and said, "tak heheh..yang satu lagi tuh alah takkan tak tau"

Well, 2 times cumming on the bed sure enough thought me that 1) steroids sure do crazy stuff on you 2) that mandi junub with a drip is sure hell frustrating. So yes. You are steroids injected. Your body is struggling to make platlets and for god sake the bloody hemeatologist sure is taken her damn sweet time.

Thus, in mind in state, of all consciousness and all there is left to ponder, you turn to the One you have ignored...God. Suddenly a poem comes to mind;

" Tuhanku, aku tidak layak untuk syurga mu (God, I'm not worthy of your heaven)
tetapi aku juga tidak sanggup menaggung (Though your damnation I cannot bear)
siksa neraka mu (in ur place of condamnation)
Oleh itu kurniakanlahm (In you, bless me with)
keampunanmu, ampunkanlah dosaku (Forgiveness of all there is)
sesungguhnya engkaulah pengampun (As you are the forgiver, and the Keeper)
dosa-dosa besar (Of Heaven)

So, in a nutshell..God is always close to you when you need Him. So people came and met me. In disbelief actually most of them as the news spread that I was in ICU. But then when they look at me and see me smile, they start saying that I cant be that chronic. Hahah. Me to. I keep telling the doctors that I'm fine but they seem to think otherwise.

So..it is with this realisation that I try to find solace in another..that would be my soulmate I guess. But readers explain me this..At what point does a soulmate is better then an acquintence or fren? Well, let me see. An acquintanced called, came the next day and brought fruits. Second acquintance called, brought naughty magazine and fruits. Frens from factory called and nearly more then half the staff at Continental M'sia visited even the CEO. Best fren came. Had to bring g/fren to shove in face of currently sick b/fren of "how sad you are dude!". So far.. frens and acquintence score 1 : soulmate score ZERO (0).

Soulmate sms, telling you to get well. How the hell do you do that I might ask. That was it. Later waiting for follow up sms.....no reply. Couple of days later..got 1 sms. Ok. Same thing...get better. I'm trying my dear!!

Then, like the silver lining of sunlight from the brim of a cloud after a storm, the hemeatologist appeared. There's nothing wrong with you. Your body make big platlets in emergencies so we kinda wrongly counted them. Wrongly? Not a nice word to be coming from an Expert!! Then again.. ah well. The worst is over.

So, back to normal. Back on my feet. And back to life. But in that shrt journey I realised that God is always hearing you, so He more than deserves your worship. I realised that u've still got frens, company cant work without you and there is no such thing as soulmates. Frens and acquintences are just fine.

To my special someone (d' soulmate u know who you are). I have cared for you eversince my heart fell for that innocence. I still do care. But pls, dont tell a person ur sumeone when infact you are no one. The time I needed you the most, a fren needed you the most..I was left high and dry. How can I be special when even hellos are hard to come by.

Like a journey through the forest of Slovakia (hence the pic) I find my opening, that forever this heart of mine will be torn. As this is my punishment for the wrath of the Almighty for the sins of before.

And you know what...the journeys not ended....it just begun