The Father And I

The holidays brought with it memories but the one I would cherish the most is time spent with dad.

Sometimes, we don't realise that we have soo much. Its just that we look too far and too wide to see the truth. Just like dad. Our lives did not start that rosy. I was born during the hard times. In the 1980's life was pretty tough back then in M'sia. On top of which the whole family was plonked to England as my dad was doing his PhD.

To be honest, I was the naughty one. The child who got the punch and the slap, well mostly mom did that but when dad does it, it can get very emotional. I guess for guys we dont realise how much our emotions effect our family as a father. Mom can say one thing but what a dad says can really hurt. Doncha agree?

So, let me just say we were at each others nerve (even now). But then, life took place. I started to go to college and uni and work. Start to meet so much more people out there with their different kinds and attitudes. Makes what dad is, actually nothing.

I often wonder sometimes how I can tolerate and try to work around pigheaded managers and useless contractors and subordinates, yet fail to understand the slightest remorse from dad if he says," ayah tak suka makan kat sini". I mean, yup he's got issues eating at a place infested with gawking loud youths at McDonalds. Whats wrong with that. And yet I would get a bit upset. Sheesh, talk about toleration , and I'm not married yet.

But its unfair that I show poised restraint from an emotional and unprofessional character at work but become slimy and a jerk at home. We cant have all that we want can we?

So, it was fun with dad at Langkawi. He went walking on the beach. Saw topless women and joked about it. Recalled about his life experience and wanted to share our enjoyment with his.

Dad. This is for you. You might not be that dastardly rich father who can give me a Skyline and a better job.. but you're still my dad. And I would'nt have it any other way.

The thing about sunrise

The morning is always a welcome. To some, its a resurrection from the dead. An awakening to reality from the slumber of dreamland. For mua, a chance to wake up and face the ever glorious sun head on. Something you don't get these days living in the city.

And so its, my adventours in this island begins. The night before was fun. Which begins my story about ....the band

From my previous posting, I onced mentioned about the Band. How I so miss the times jamming to songs and stuff. Well, fate just so happens planted me into an opportunity of a lifetime. We stayed in a small challet resort called Langkapuri. Oklah, we cant really afford a lavish resort, so whatever that can spare us a bed, a decent toilet and aircond is fine by us.

Aha!!Unbeknowest to us, this challet houses the coolest most happening Rasta music bar amongst the whole Pantai Cenang. Crowds were starting to fill up by 10pm. After arriving around lunch time, and made an initial visit around the island, me and lil sis adjourned to the bar at quarter past 10pm. As me and lil sis were lounging at the back table, approached a guy, whom till this day I dont really remember his name. He offered us drinks and proceeded to chat about life, Langkawi and music.

He happens to know the band that was going to play. Lil sis sort of mentioned that I can play guitar and would like to jam. So the guy said he'll see what he could do. Right, around 11'ish, there was this fat bloke dressed in the customary tie-die outfit approcahing the stage and said the magical words," Hello out there. Its time to get high!!"

And THey Were Xcellent!!!!!!!!!!!11

The singer really had a good voice. Something like putting Seal, Sting and Bryn Adams all rooled into one. And the band, they were plain and simply magical. The thunes they carried out were non-reggea material but given the RAsta touch. What really made them different was they had this group of percussionist that added that jungle/tribal vibe to the music which was intoxicating.

That led the crowd wild and immedietly brought everyone to the dancefloor. Ok, so then they took a break afer 5 songs, which at this point my lil sis took the courage to ask if I could join the group and perform as extra gutarist. They said, its cool, sure.

So for the second set, after a couple of songs the group called me and the whats-his name to the stage to perform a couple of songs. The band was tight and the sound was was was it just made me remember why I fell in love with music in the first place.

Sort of like getting carried away with the music. THat night, I thought I died and went to heaven

So the morning dawn...thats me returning to earth

I'm Back!!

For all you lots, those, you know who you are. The readers (that I presume exist), hail my coming!!! Right. Guys I must tell you that I had a blast. Langkawi was great. The whole vacation was definitely, yes definitely the much needed break I so much crave for. Ahhhh the pleasures.

And for that, I return to civilisation or what I would call the morbid living matrix of eat-sleep-sex(I wish)-work-sleep-eat. As usual, all the same to anybody who has left the office for more than a week, the piles of jobs to be done on the in ray, emails on the inbox, massages and all forms of 'whatnots' all present itself nicely tied with a red ribbon saying, "get your ass on this urgent pieces of shit"

But no. How I would forget the blis of the white sandy beaches? That I would not. For behold great readers, for the rest of my feeble time till 2007, I will, I pledge, I vow that every single stinking inch and iota of my blogging hours would be left to dedicate itself, to the one and only....majestic Le Vacation in Langkawi

Clowns to left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you

2006. U know what? Theres so many things that happen during our lifetime. Most bigtime event was Sept 11. Then the Anwar vs Mahathir. Then the Mahathir retirement and the beginning of a new era. Monsoons, tsunamis you name it, the whole gamut of events in this lifetime. I must be damn lucky.

2006. The year, I realised, I'm still stuck to the ground. Like an old Sycamore tree, standing proudly, aging as it will, but sits right there. Just right there. The hills are gone, and skyscrapers make up peaks to our urban valleys. 3G technology, broadband network communication, and eating sushi is the "in thing". Hairs, are now in black, white , crimson and perwinkle blue. The young and the old appreciating manicures and padicures. The age of the metrosexuals. Cars are running on batteries.

2006. Your 26. Your not married. Your not seeing anybody. Your fat belly seems to complement its size by an inch on every birthday. You got two cars, a moving career and the customary elegent watch to prove you've arrived. You're desperately trying to lose weight, but you're desperately satisfying your hunger.

2006. Its been 5 years since you've broke up with your first love. Do you miss her? You know you do. But why do you? You dont know. But its 5 years! Move on. Move on. If only this legs can run faster. Yeah faster. Run. Thats good. should try running. That'll get the inch out of the waist.

2006. Its been two years of hiding. Hiding? Yeah from the truth. I finally care for someone. You do? Yeah. Seriously, who can top Anisa? She can. Does she? Ya. But she's not topping anybody. She is just ....she. Ok so why hide? I got to. Yes, we know but why? I cant be with her. Why? Its just not right. What do you mean? Its just not right! What is? Its complicated. Try me? Its just If I mess it up..I'll mess it up. So! She's just another. Another what? Just another

2006. The factory is not doing good. Business is tough. Life can't be any worst. But on the bright side, you're going to be an uncle! Hahah Uncle Polar.

2006. The day I realised, my best fren has moved on. He's got new frens now. I'm just a person in the past he remembers. And so too are the rest, the college clans and university mates. Moved on have they with their lives. You have no fren ahh? Well, guess its just has to be. Wah, you quite sad case huh?

2006. Five years since mom's gone. Dads fine, but I guess he's lonely. He loves mom. I miss her too. Sometimes thinking about our gossip sessions by the kitchen table over biskut marie and tea. YOu know what? Never realised that its tough to find funny girls in this day an age. Fortunately, my youngest sis is a blast. But kind of miss my eldest. Kinda miss Naea. Hang on! got so much things to do. Dad needs a new pair of pants. Little sis needs to brush up on her driving skills and ...need to patch things up with big sis. Need to remember mom's last wishes, "..he can be difficult but you need to take care of him" Well mak, he is difficult, but you know what? He's taking care of me most of the time. Haha!

2006. November 9. Two more days to the road trip. Whoaaahahha!

2007? I guess if I'm still alive, still got a job, haven't found new frens, still in lost with best frens, girl of dreams is just a dream, girl you care still doesn't feel the same, and still stuck with two cars and a demanding career,


... I guess it'll be clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am still stuck in the middle with you (bloggers!)

Dear...

Watched a movie last night with my little sister. It was called Dear Frankie. Besides the fact that I've got a crush on Sharon Small, the whole movie was brilliant.

The sad truth is, I've actually watched the movie before. It was on the return flight from Vienna to Kuala Lumpur. I watched it 3 times in a row. Well you had to do something on a 13 hour flight innit! I am such a sucker for romantics and stories of the heart.

I betcha that deep down every man that you know, there is a soft spot for the emotional-train infused movies. Plus I got a certain deep admiration for British films.

Aha! The point. I actually kinda prefer foreign films as oppose to American-Hollywood bullshit. Reasons simply due to the fact that what Hollywood lacks is the potratyal of poignancy. The moment. A silence so intense, that no other form of visual representation can clearly represent the emotion but a simple motionless picture. At the same time, script. Hollywood tends to write to much babble. Sometimes scripts work, but the beauty of motion pictures is that its a MOTION PICTURE.

In a motion picture, the canvas is alive. Just like how people say about Salvadori Dali's work, "..frame by frame the images form". Images. Thats what saparates blockbusters with evergreens.

Ok, back to Frankie. Seriously, to all you lots out there, take a time out and watch this masterpiece.

The thing about those good 'ol days

What I wouldn't give for those good 'ol days. Its only in present that we feel those regrets for the yesteryears. The "what ifs?", the "why didn't?" and all regrets would come up, like frames from a slide, one by one it would haunt you.

And like frames from a slide, the story unfolds. Like the time you were in college, like your first kiss, like the first time you felt when you held a lover's hand. Like the first time you scored straight "A's" then they never repeated again. Like the time, for a brief moment you had the whole world in your hands, and like the time you had the whole world in knots and bends. Memories, those yesteryears. Those times.

Lately, I find myself lamenting over those years that have gone by. Even when I meet up with former schoolmates, boarding mates and 'ol frends, the stories remain the same. Fact of the matter, it gets even worst when the same form of topic becomes the base of my conversation with colleagues and new acquaintances. Am I that sad?

Do I have not anything more interesting to talk about but lament over the past? What is so appealing about the past? What does the past have that the present does not?

You know what? I just realised I am not alone. Historians, as they are called, try to make sense of history and present the facts for things that happened. The documentation as a witness to the happenings are the philosophy of a Historian. Just record and document. Opinions are a footnote.

But I find that the glorification of yesterday, is due to the fact that you don't know what to do tomorrow. Yes. Agree or disagree, I leave it to you. However, is it really far fetched? Is it not logic? We speak of the past so eloquently, with awe with amazement because whats done is done. We may learn from the mistakes made and make preventive measures but what about now? And tomorrow?

Hmm, you are wondering right now, where and what am I leading this into? Simple. Everybody, as in the normal breed of people, who live life everyday are reactive. We need somebody to tell us what to do, tell us what to think, tell us how to react. We do not know how to go about things. We would if we had done it before and found out through the hard way the truth or the end result. But we still need the time to empirically conduct the motives, intent, action or decision first, then we would know the outcome.

Dontcha think its true? How many of us complain coz the boss don't train us well that's why we sucked at our jobs? How many blame parents, upbringing and the families dysfuntionality for why they are who they are now? I can go on and on about this but it all comes down to one and only one realisation...that we cease to function without guidance. And what better guidance but from one with wisdom we call The Leader

You know that person. He/She is that enigmatic and charismatic boss. He/She is that inspiring activist, the go-getter, the man/woman of action. Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Mendela, Bono, William Wallace, Robin Hood (if he existed), Martina Navratilova, Nicol David, and all the people that inspires us. The guiding light that ploughs the way to tell us what is possible from what we thought can never be. We cant live withought heroes.

But what have they, that we don't? Very simple, they don't think of the past. The future is all that matters. All that matters.

So, as I ponder upon my own words, I reflect upon my situation. Being a leader, you already are Amad. 24 men put their trust in you. Their lives and livelihood depend on you. And you are, The Area 1 Chief. The main upstream operation. The main factory component. Withought you, there is no factory. Everyday people look up on you for guidance and solution.

But what do you do? Your thoughts still lingers on those times when you were young, in love and had a band that people worshiped. Those times that made you popular, those times that made you feel like the MAN.

Those times are gone 'Mat! The future, lays in your hands. The opportunity is there, seize it! But you don't. You're still standing on the crossroads, asking yourself the question, that bugging question. You know that question. It has haunted you for the past 4 years. "Can I lead?"

The thing about the good 'ol days is, sometimes we wish that we are at the present when all that is now, are things of before, just like.......... the good 'ol days.

Its All About The Music

You know what I miss the most? The band. Yep. I was once in a band infact, I think I should start from the beginning.

Music, actually wasn't my interest to start with. From day one, the minute I saw those Knight Rider shows, that Airwolf helicopter whizzing through the skies making that 180 midair turn then unleashing hellspawns ball of fire onto that unsuspecting foe, (ahhhhh the memories) it was set that I will be an engineer. "well now since you are already one how does it feel?" I ask myself.

Honestly, minus those once and a while moments of triumph, I have to say it kinda stinks. But, hang on. I keep on digressing too much. Focus dude, focus. Ok, music. Yes so the idea of listening to music for me was not unheard of till my first impression of Cikgu (teacher) Mustakim.

The vision of this quiet, soft spoken teacher whom teaches music to me at primary school was something to remember. The cool thing was we were trying to hook him up with Cikgu Zaharah, one of the chic-looking 'cikgu's at that time. Imagine, I was just 12 years old then and we match making dudes and dudettes already. Ok ok now stick to the point!

Right! So we had a year end party. Yup I was graduating from primary school, and unlike our American soap/ TV cousins, it isn't such a big thing, not even and end of an era kind of feel. So, this Cikgu Mustakim decided to call in some frends he knew at college to perform at our year end party. There stood cikgu Mustakim, standing before us in his white flannel outfit, with those frilly-frilly cuffs, proudly he stood in the power stance Jimmy Page persona with his head tilted back slightly as he pulled what I can clearly describe as the most sexiest, awe inspiring legato blues run from this candy red stratocaster korean fender copy guitar. Ahhh the bliss

So, it was the fact that it doesn't matter how ridiculous you look, but nothing hits the spot like a raging guitar solo. Hell yeah! Ok fast forward a bit. That did not entirely got me into music yet. Seems that I come from a musically inclined family. My late mother (God bless her soul) was brought up with music. My Late grandparents filled my mom's life with music and throughout the whole family. My uncles had formed a band called "The Rusty Nails". Ya. I know. You asking, 'What the f&^$% kind of name is that?" Hey, it won them the state battle of the bands, so in your face you guys.

Thus, it all started when my sister got hold of a guitar from my uncle. Never actually took any attention to it untill one day, it was Eid somewhere in '93 that one of my uncles came. We sat and my sister ask for some tips and lessons. He picked up the guitar and started to play all these hits from the Beatles, Andy Williams, Dusty Springfield. What made it more memorable was the fact that my mom can really, REALLY SING! Yup. Those were the days. From then on it fueled my determination to play the guitar.

Ahhh, yes the early years. Nowdays kids got all this new electronic gadgets and softwares that help speed up the process of learning such an instrument. In my days, it was basically books and the trusty ears. Then there was my sisters guitar which was this pawn shop type brand called KAPOK. Infact this brand is quite famous actually. Its the poor man's trusty equiptment. How does it play? LIke shit. Getting it in tune is a shear triumph (thats if you're lucky) and the action (string tension) is like torture. You actually bleed playing this piece of crap, but hey it still plays.

So this godforsaken piece of scrap was the instrument that tought me all the tricks, the slides, the pull-offs, the thrills , those wierd chords and scales, arpeggios, yup it was me, the heap of junk tuck between my armpits and those expensive instructional books and magazines. You see, I believe that music comes from vthe heart, that no matter what piece of shit of an instrument is plonked on your lap, its the fingers that gently weaves the magic we all know is music. So, eventhough the guitar was cheap, the instructional books and mags were not. But it was a fair trade.

But everything changed when, upon seeing my progress, one of my uncles decided to give me, his Yamaha F4335 dreadnought acoustic guitar. People, eventhough this was not the Ferrari of acoustic guitars, but a well crafted well balanced decent piece of brilliance made all the difference. The first time I strummed some basic chords, it was like the Sirens by the docks calling to the sea men, with their sweet voices. It was heaven, it was intoxicating. I almost cried.

So, equiped with my new stead, off I went into the sunset awaiting for the new adventoures to come on my quest to be a damn good guitar player.

Ok. So where does that bring me now? Well, the new Yamaha got me so inspired I would like practice 4 to 5 hours a day. I got pretty good. Plus I was like only 14 and could play really really well. Ah ha! You see, I was in high school now. Things changed. And so did this realisation that chicks dig musicians, especially guitar players . I was, the cool guy!!

So, I got transferred to this boerding school under scholarship. Ok, was smart. I still wanted to become an engineer. At this college, I met a frend named Izmet. He, how shall I say this, has THE best voice I have ever heard. We hooked up and with me aon the guitars and Izmet on vocals, we were unstoppable. We were the highlights to any musical soiree's and we brought a new dimension to Talenttime.

Ahhh...but it wasn't till a junior by the name Zulfadli came that things really sparked off. Zulfadli, affectionately known as Ali was only 13, but he was damn good drummer. He actually graduated music grade school at Yamaha for drums at 12. We were also lucky becouse one of my juniors was also a smashing bass player.His name was Fuad. Then by the end of Form Four, i had a new classmate, Johann. Johann, well he is one interesting bloke. Not only does he play guitar but drums, clarinet, sax, piano, bass and violins. Yess the all-rounder.

So, the band was Izmet(vocals), me(lead guitar), Johann(piano,guitar,sax), Ali(drums) and Fuad(bass). People, this was the ultimate band. We did things that highschools band can only dreamed of. We had the whole college worshiped us. We were GODS!!!!

The cool thing was, the drum room, which is the small soundproof studio was really small. It was part of a huge music room. The thing was, everybody in the band was good, but once trapped in that small drum room, we all sounded like piles of noise shit. So, we decided to book the whole music room and place the instruments at different corners, balancing the sound dynamics. It worked, but the side effect was that, since the music room was not sound proof, the whole college could hear us.

That was good, coz from there everybody would like come and gather after lunch to hear us. In short, thats how we set up our fanbase. The cool thing was, we did not have a name for the band. We were known by the fact we were just jamming. So people would like say, "Ehhh..! isn't Johann/Izmet/Ahmad/Zul/Fuad jamming today?"

Yup thats how we gotten to be known. Yeah those were the days.

And those days have gone. I have been in many bands eversince, but none had the spirit and the curiosity to just let go, and let the spirit of music be the base of the band. The thing I miss the most is the fact that everyone took their instruments and skills seriously. Yeah we would jam without knowing the exact way of playing a song but we made it our own, no fear to experiment. That was what made it refreshing and enlightening. And we played off each other, knowing each others direction like the communication was the emotion that everyone felt through our playing. Yup, those days, those spirits...their gone.

And so, till today, I got some people who've known me through time and see me play the guitar, have approached me to form a band. Countless of times I would come to the studio to jam, but many times left dissapointed. Its like losing the one u love. Ah well. I guess some good things happen only once.

I just wished that I can find back the group, or find new frends that belive in what I believe...............thats its all about the music.

Abstrac

It had been a long day. October 24, 2005. Thats exactly 6 days since the major breakdown at the factory. Still not solved yet. Still thats not whats on my mind. A pair of tatterred Hush Puppies sat silently beneath my table. Its amazing these shoes. It really took in all the assult from the mixer room and managed to survive with minor cuts and injuries. Damn those good shoes!

Shoes. The fact that I don't change them as often merely reflects my atttitude toward things. Like these Hushy Pups. Should change them but, nah not now. Thing is I wouldn't think twice if this was some guitar accessory or engine upgrades. I guess I feel differently to things I am passionate about. But what about love?

You know, I kinda have a problem with that. I have never, ever went all out to pursue that 'person'. I had girlfrens. In fact, got only two. All of them, I actually had the extra advantage. They kinda fancied me first. So, just milk the situation furtherlah

So, this is my dilemma. I am torn, to pursue a person I like, knowing that she might or might not have the same feelings, or to hell with the bloody lass? Also, it does seem wierd that sometimes, priorities appear different given the context of the subject.

Hang on! Back to matters at hand. Damn those gears. Just had to pick up the right time to crashlah kan! Damn, I'm good at fixing things but I can't seem to mend my loneliness. Sometimes wish life was as straight forward like math. Which brings up an interesting point; if the equation culminating (circumstances)(chances)(action)(luck) equals to a life of loneliness, heartache, stress and sleepless nights, at which part do we wish things would change?

Should we change (circumstances)? How ofthen do we realise the resemblence?
Should we change (chances)? How often do we take them?
Should we change (actions)? How do we know which is the right one?
Should we change (luck)?.....Now thats a question by itself.

So, really really lost here. My life looks like the pitts literally. My grease-soaked fingers are testament to a life filled up with machine breakdowns and machine upgrades. Its all the factory. Need a change. Need a new scenary. Need...

Ah well. Doesn't matter anyway. Not like there's gonna be anyone reading this blog anyway. Right, back to the gears. What if I.......

The thing about being born

I wonder, don't you sometimes feel like the world does not change but you do. I've been stuck in this world where everything is in hue of dark sephia. My world is pretty simple, I wake up, I eat and I sleep. But the funny thing is, My world is getting smaller, or am I getting bigger?

And the voices, those voices. I wonder does everyone get them. I remembered growing up in my family. We had quite a number of brothers and sisters. Life was pretty tight then. U grow with the ever changing politics, economics and social demographics. Life then was always changing, nothing was kept the same. And so to were my brothers and sisters.

As usual national sevice. Yes, everybody had to undergo this life commitment. I never really understood the idea of braving yourself across 25000 miles in the sea and finding your abode, and lay to ponder, answering your questions of life and faith for 9 months.

Come to think of it, its already been 8 months 28 days till graduation. The voices in my head tell me that the prize is big. Well it better be.

"SLGHRUGHHHRT" What!! What was that. The voices. Those voices. That voice. Hang on!

"PISTTTTSHJT" Hey! The atmosphere is crumbling. My world is being torn apart. Hey! Hey!!Can somebody help me!! I live in mucus atmosphere. I cannot survive if the mucus is gone.

Whats this? The sky? The sky its, its....ITS falling down! I am being pushed out of this world. What is happening? Help!! No I can see a light. There is a tunnel and there is a light. They say don't go into the light.

What!? What was that you say? The voices. The voices they want me to go through... the light. What does all this mean?

"Come on now push Hendon, push! Yes hes coming, he is ... yes here he is"
"Its a big baby boy"

"Warghhhhhhhhhh"

"Congratulations sir, the baby's safe. He's an Arien. Happy March baby"

Whats this world? Why am I small? The voices in my head,,,they have stopped.

"Tick, tock, tick ,tock" I can't believe its 2.19 am. Sheesh. What am I doing here? Still hanging on, can I keep awake? I must. But should I? I mean, all's well, I presume. Wait a minute! Get a grip son.

It all started yesterday. Again, the phone. Damn. Cant they figure out cloning soon? Getting tired of all this late night calls telling you the world would end when one of them damn machines get busted. Yeah, really, like its going to be the end of the world. But, hey, thats me. Mr Area1 know-it-all, super sexy engineer. As always, work gets the better of me.

Fast forward. Freeze the frame. Yes the present. At the moment its 2.19 am. And you're still stuck in the office, you sad oak-lifeless geek. "..tick, tock, tick, tock" Ahhrggg get that monotonous tone out of here. I wait. Patiently? Time will tell. By the way, I wonder how Nathan's doing?

"Lots more to go 'Mat. We still haven't got the gears out yet" said Nathan. That was 4 hours ago. What? 4 hours ago? Damn! Nathan's gonna be pissed! I realized I left my supervisor deep in the trenches of the breakdown. I wonder would a tall glass of milked Nescafe do the trick? "Oh, Nathan?"

Hang on! That still does not answer the question. Its 2.19 in th.. WHAT 2.38am!!! Time does fly. Just like when I was born. When I was born..well

The thing about this blog is that, well like all the other bloggers that I have come across, there is always the need to express oneself. Well, frankly, expressing oneself seems to envelope the desire of an individual to be a total arse, innit? Think about it, we say what we want to say, when we want to say it, to whom we say it to and why do we say it, you may say, that we say, what we said to whom it is, means nothing whatsoever to why we should say, what we say to whom we said it. (Confused?)

So, get the drift? Blogging culture (based on my encounters lately) tends to talk of life and philosophy and all the other cultural-neotheological bullshit that tries to make us appear smart, cultured, educated, when in fact, to all you blokes and lasses, its just wisdom of experiences. To put it simple, you trampled on dogshit, so you're telling the crowd to beware.

Thus, the thing about blogging and why I find it immensly entertaining is the fact that regardless of all the bullshit written about ones random thoughts and experiences, some other sad bloke (or chick) would have went to the same torture and, in the spirit of blogology, actually have something genuinely decent to say about it.

Right. So nuff said, here I am. Who am I? Hmm good question isn't? Honestly, I'm pretty confused myself. I used to be what I was then, someone whom I wasn't now but was then someone who thought that what is now considered to be what was then is what shall not be. (More confused?)

Well, thats the beauty of blogging as far as I have come to understand. You can write your own logic the way you want it to be, just the way it was ment by you. And for me, I can be as confusing as I want to be right now or as winded and illogical as I can be, coz its my blog, my thoughts and its all mine.

So, I have not answered the question haven't I? Who am I? Well this is were this blog will be different. Every entry will be, from time to time, exploring, documenting and expressing views that are seen from a storyline perspective. What I hope to create is a backdrop to a motion picture starring my life and others (people I know) the way a camera would look at.

All in the hope to find myself. Yes myself. As I really don't know who I am.