Oh my God, what was the fuss all about?

Its Ramadhan. Thank God. Its the one and only month that its actually hip to be holy. I cant imagine I said that. But lets be honest...even my true blue clubbing friends are staying it off to attend Terawih prayers. Reasons are obviouslah...nak mintak ampun dan maaf.

Not that I club that much. Just sometimes I hang around some friends who do. But that is running out of the topic I wish to mention.

I had this sudden epiphany while driving to work 3 days ago. Standard stuck in a jam coz decided to take a few minutes (which ment extra 2 hours) of sleep after Subuh. Things got me thinking. Trust me as all would realise after leading quite a free-wandering life for a bit..I must say I accumulated a fare share of things I was not suppose to do. Ya ya you might argue that whats right or wrong is ones point of view...well at some point a person must define himself..and for me I feel I wish to define myself in what I believe in..

In short..life is kinda easy, if you think about it. Its the sticking to your principles and holding strong to faith thats what hard. Senang je nak concentrate in what your doing but try to do that to your ibadat? Very sure most of us fall flat on our faces.

The reasons I keep referring to ibadat is becouse..after all the care that my friends have been giving, and support from family.. I find peace in knowing that all cobaan dunia comes for a reason. And part of the thing here that helped me get over my recent heartache was...yes you know it..getting closer to God.

Ok..some will argue where does salsa fall into this? I'm not saying I'm perfect kan! But the crowd of people in that community are nice and most of them are not half drunk on the dance floor. So ..one step at a time Ahmad..one step at a time.

This brings me to my problem of love. So whats the big deal. I know now what really matters to me. And yes I know now what I have lost. And what I want to have back. So its a responsibility to find that soulmate. The one partner in your life.

Hang on. Found it. Yup. It was staring me in the face. Whatever I have denied cannot be denied. Though the feelings might not be there as what it use too. Over the years the desire I guess had faded, but faded it has just been. In time hopefully with a small but clear efforts to polish it up..it shall shine as bright as it was before.

What is important..what matters..a good heart, stable, fluent english (dont ask me about this), sweet, beautifull, kind, respective to elders, able to converse with my friends and accept me as who I am, knows everything about me but embraces the differences, intelligent..very intelligent, succesfull, independent and emotionally stable...what more..most importantly unhitched!!

So what am I waiting for? Exactly. Nak kawin kan? Want a great mother to a child and one that your children look up to kan?. Also proven track record of caring for your late mom when she was ill..translated to know what to do with your dad when he's is under the weather.

Thats it Ahmad. Go out there and get the girl. She already exist. Will you end up togather again?..Only God knows but here is God giving you a chance again..and with His blessing I seek that it be true.

So what if I failed again. At least I bled trying. And thats life.

Too many thoughts....

Funny how we have soo much to say, but fall short once in front of the computer. I have been wanting to write about many stuff, but couldnt find the time. Told myself, "Alah, just open up your blog and start writelah." Well, now in front of PC...and still blurrr.

What can we say ya. I find my other friends who have blogs juat update themselves about almost anything. Then again, the thing about blogs is, we hope somehow or rather people will read it and comment. Ahhh but then if its so, then blogging becomes some kinda commercial interlude, which defeats the purpose of an onlie diary eh!

First things first, all hail the arrival of Princess Jada. So happy for my best bud for his first daughter. Hmmm banyak muka Juan. Baguslah ikut mak dia yang hot! Haha. Wishing for one of my own now. Also Eju and Mus also hails their lil bambino. A warm welcome to baby Noah.

Ok. Latest is salsa. I've been trying to get on it since I was introduced to it by my ol friend during one night merayau-rayau at bukit bintang. Long ago Little Havana was..as the name described..little. It was a small lot which is now occupied by this pub called Brasil. I was amazed at how friendly the atmosphere and how people were having a great time. Also the moves..ohhhh those moves. Ok, how can I lie that certain portions of the ladies were clad in their bustiers...most propably the reason I was game.

It took me 2 years to realise this. A friend Aishah got my interest back into this becouse she agreed to be my partner. Took it beginning of the year and was one of my best decisions I made this year. Now I'm in improvers 2, which technically means I'm not bad, but honestly I need a lot of practice to smoothen up the moves more. Which comes to the next problem...practice. Soo limited time, but frequenting clubs help. Problem is, the man's role to lead is very important and I am struggling at the moment to convey clear leads to the ladies. Working hard people, working hard on it.

Strikes an interesting story..most of the ladies in the clubs are really good. So much so, I dare say at certain advance level. So here's the thing, as you progress in class, most moves that was covered in basic would be the base for routines that combine different complex variations. The trick is to have clear leads to have the partner responding correctly to what you want them to do. Hehehehe, so mua had a horrible time when i was dancing with this gorgeous lady, called Vivian and basic open break moves, due to my confusing pressure/signals from my hands/body momentum got her going into these complex turns and side steps. I had to go,' Whoah whats that..hang on aaaaa what do I do next?"

Sheesh that was embarrising. But heres the beauty of salsa. Vivian was very supportive and guided me through her routines and now...tada...Senor Zaf is of certain smooth operator nu. Alah baru dua move je. But still, with more practice should be able to take on the next moves to come.

Orait, enough of salsa. My good friend Johann Ting was in town. Short description, Johann is a good friend of mine but was a rival in the beginning. You see for awhile back in college, I was once the champion at guitar, till Johann came along. Ok, here's me being a sore loser...I am self tought whislt Johannn studied the instrument..so Hah! No lah the guys brilliant. So we jam a lot and from their our reputation as the 2 amigos came about. Fast forward..met up with the guy and he lost weight, grown a goatee and is now an accomplish musician himself. So met up and whats a meeting with Johann if there's no jam, kan? So off we go jammming!

As a result, suddenly my love for music is starting to grow back... at an alarming rate. I'm practicing at least 2 hours everyday now. The session with him also included some pointers. You see, I work with instincts. I learn new skills by listening to establish players, and then experimenting with their styles to see what works. Never knowing the mechanics and theories of my actions. Johann pointed out that I have acquired a lot of advance techniques over the years but find it sayang that I am not able to understand the rationale of these licks. He explained many things and had a more-or-less idiot guide to guitar arpeggio theory. This got me started exploring my normal scale warm up routines in a different way. The result ....sonic and melodic bliss guys. I never knew all these hidden elements within the knowledge that I have till now.

Hmmm...ok so whats next for Amad. Let me see...there's the house that needs grills and a decent kitchen. I am hoping to fully pindah by early next year. Whoooahhhoo. My own pad. Anyway, list of items start to roll but memandangkan keadaan ekonomi yg tak menentu...maybe I'll hold back on most lavish Items on the list.

I might not be around in M'sia that much next year. InsyaAllah, I will be sent for an international assignment for 6 months. Will be globe trotting for awhile doing this IMP pogram the company has set for me. So this means i have to maximise whatever I can for this year. Enjoy it to the max. As much as i could.

Right...things are cheering up. Though nothing happening in the social circle...but gain back friends I thought i lost. The Warwickians have been excellent lately. I started to open up about my break-up and heart break and they took me in and comforted me in times of trouble. Best part was they made a lot of effort to distract me from my sorrows. Special mention must be Feizal and Aliza. Their husband and wife combo effort is worth mentioning. Even though they lead hectic lives and a kid...still made sure they had time to follow up on my progress and keep me company in times of need. Thanks guys.

With that...I have actually exhausted this session. Kepala dah drain. Takde ilham lagi nak tulis. Ok, till next one see ya'll.

What do you do when you end up staring on a blank face wall

Blank. Blank. Blank. But images prop up. Images that make you smile. But mostly ones that make you sad. Why? Becouse why in the first place would one stare at a blank wall? Postulating his presence? I feel not.

Stare. Stare harder, you might actually see, through the wood stains or the cement grains, a picture. A view. To stare..to dare.

Sometimes, Just Sometimes...

Dear Bloggers,

Sometimes, just sometimes..things just dont happen to work out the way we hoped it would be. I wish to declare..(again) that I have failed in love. The love of my life does not have me in her heart. I speak from my heart only, and this heart only beats for that person, but the other beats not for me.

My close friend advised me to close the chapter. Forget the matter. Its hard, I still love her soo much. But then, I guess fate has other plans for me. In times like these, seeking solance with The Almighty is my only shelter and warmth. God is right. In His massage to the Prophet PBUH about his uncle Abdul Mutalib, as he lay on his bed in his dying minutes, the Prophet whispered to him to accept God and recite the Syahadah. He was so distraught as here was his uncle that loved him, cared for him and defended him with his life but will not to even to his dying minutes profess his belief to God, which was the purpose of the Prophet's PBUH struggles and determination. Then Jibrail descended and recited God's words, "It is your (Prophet PBUH) job to send the massage, it is our job to open their hearts"

We try as much, give as much, we might think we have given soo much, but sometimes what was given is not enough. And at this point, regardless of my efforts to her was not enough, I then think of what the Prophet went through. Here was his uncle who cared for him, loved him and defended the Prophet's belief and faith, yet could not accept islam in his heart...." It is your (Prophet PBUH) job to send the massage, it is our job to open their hearts". It pained the Prophet to know this person he loved will never see the light of a promised Heaven.

I feel no need to go into details. Problem is Sayang shares common friends and in this case friends tend to look out for each other. My side of the story might offend people who know her longer than I have. And I do not want to rip up the common friendship between my friends becouse of this territorial situation. Ah well. I have God as my harbour. InsyaAllah things will work out.

The bigger picture. Thats whats important ya. Just becouse I'm sore about things shouldn't give me the right to put my feelings above others. So, in all that may be and what has happened, let bygones be bygones.

On the brighter side of things, I get to concentrate on the house now. Was planning to buy a car much later, that was if I needed the money for marriage, but now alls well. Full steam ahead I'm getting my new black Ford Focus Sport in 2 weeks time. Good timing as it would be just in time for me to bring Ayah back to Kelantan in Style!!! Also, after I could claim my housing interest subsidy next year, I'm seriously considerring my Masters degree. Or ...then again gatal jugak nak do-up the kitchen hehehehe! Then there's Acat's new born coming that should be loads of fun.

All in all...not a bad year. Wished the factory started better though, but ahh well, we cant get all our wishes can we. Honestly, would I have it any other way? Would I have been better not to have given my heart to Sayang? In a strange confession on my side...I was gratefull to know that I could love a women with all my heart. Thats what matters.

Life goes on guys. Cya guys later. Maybe road trip? Whoahooo!