Through the mirror..

A short story by Reflections.

Tis once said, on a warm night, even owls stuck by their dens. And on that said night, stood two hearts. Two souls. One with a desire for the other..and the other, a desire for neither. Astute stood the gentleman with his eyes, dark-brown oak poppets they seem, staring deeply into the eyes of his beloved.

"Would you be mine?", he says. The innocence of her green eyes tell nothing of her heart, for what holds within her, she holds not to him.

"I am not to be with you", she answers.

"My heart holds for another", she continues

"And so I must depart, with me and my heart", she ends

Broken, torn, like death by knives, the stabbing pain will not stop. He lets her go, not for a second due to acceptance, but the pain..the heavy pain of a thousands blades tucking themselves into his coarse skin.

"My beloved!?", is all he can muster, through a feint whisper.

"tip tap tip tap tip tap..", her heels echoes. He looks upon and sees her, moving ever so slowly, away from him. From sight, slowly to sound, and slowly ...gone.

The world can be cruel, but equally for reasons. For she felt the feeling of the freedom from all burden. Its one thing to live a lie for so long, and one thing to lose sight of how far you have gone. Thus, those steps she makes, echo more and more from the path. A path from a place, she will never return. Learn, she has from the consequences of choice. When such choice was to accept what comes and make do with most of it.

The world can be cruel, but equally for reasons. For left, he was in pain and agony. How a heart was given then squashed to bits. The gentleman crouched down. Unable to stand. Tis the power of a heartbreak, a womens doing.

But so for reaons, we must move on. And so for this reasons, such choice was born. A choice was made, and that what she chose..was to leave her husband, and to the warmth of her lover's abode. Its no sense in cheating your heart forever. Happiness cant be bought, made ..it just can never..

But so for reasons, we must move on. And so for this reasons, the pain. Not the view of her slow but increasing distance, not even her actions that leave the gentleman's heart ripped open. NOt even the knowledge that all her love was just lies. And not even the feeling of the hope that just died.

For what is said, and done has consequences. And though the pain is unbearable, it stems more deeper than the heart. For within each man, gentleman or miser, cobbler or doctor, statesman and even officer..lies a demon within.

And the pain, of a thousands knives are but a mere knife that punctured the right side liver.

"How could this be so?" muttured the gentleman

Firmly he held up the gleaming dagger. Placed, it was in his right jacket pocket. He looked at it and smile at the sight of his blood.

"A mistake. It was a mistake to bend down. It was a mistake", said the gentleman.

Tis once said, on a warm night, even owls stuck by their dens. And on this night, stood two souls. One for the desire of the other's heart..and the other..neither. For stood the gentleman, and lay the women he loved. And to all to remmember, the heat of September..when in such night, stood a man, and a women he murdered.

New found frends

To all readers out there, current, future and the faithfull, I must say that I havent been taking this blog seriously till now. I started blogging, 'bout 2 years ago as I was amusing myself with Acats blog whislt staying up at 4 am doing a breakdown. Had a few hours as I wait for the welder to touch up the leaking rotor, so I perused his site, and found out wat the fuss was about blogging.

The best part was looking up to his list of other blogs that he linked. This thus gives access to other blogs with equally interesting post, that rant and ponder on things as obscure as my little fat kitten to .. "the day I tried to live". Thought to myself..this aint bad.

So, filled up the first entry. Customarily the server agent welcomes every blogger. But due to lack of attention really did not thought through this blogging methods..thus making my blog quite standard. But of all things, I did not know how to promote it.

So, few weeks ago, got Acat to teach me how to set up links. That wud probably be the best thing I've done so far. As a result..(and through Acats personal promoting) I have some new frends.

Je'vu pre'sence..mdm Zeeda and mdm Voice. Thanks for the comments and your views. This brings to mind a line from my first entry, " blogs are written accounts of ourselves taking experiences of trampling over piles of shit, then telling others to beware"

Very much appreciate that. So, I guess from here is trying to update this blog. Something, fortunately at this time and juncture, I have time to spare.

Will try my best to inform, amuse and tickle. Right. Got a good one for you guys. Will update this soon...till then Arrividerci

Drawing the line

I perceive myself as lost and unlucky. That, from my point of view. Though, some, the rest who see me, they say I'm lucky , blessed and poignantly qouted as, "Lu ada onglah!"

They might have a point. But what point is it? Frankly, I do realise now how some people can just leave their comfortable and rewarding corporate job for something totally out of the box. Passion has got a lot to do with it. Passion for what you are doing.

For the sake of keeping into perspective, I will just stick to the main topic of me writing this post..my love for music. Just to update everyone..I have finally found a group of mates who have met all my expectations when forming a band. The bassist is adaptable, with many styles to boot. The most prized possession..Idi, the drummer. Brilliant in every way. My sister, Nadya who brings the jazz to the sounds and my ever faithfull buddy Acat, who is the third heat.

To me this group is perfect. However..they are some complications. Idi, the prize..lives in Melaka and commutes every weekend just to jam with us. My sis nadya, though has good vocal articulation lacks the energy and volume to convey the demands of rock music. That plus her waivering stamina I fear will not sustain a 45 min gig. And last but not least.. my buddy Acat, who tries his best to help me within his tight schedule.

Then there is the impending possibility of my sis moving up to Kampar, Perak as UTAR will be positioned there. This happens to be the best employer my sister has had and her future is good in this university. She deserves the best

Again..just when things get right..life throws you a curve ball and ur back to square one. The future of this band seems bleak.

But thats it? Maybe I am suppose to make a choice. Maybe this band thing is futile. A weak attempt at this moment to re-kindle the sparkle of life I once had. And this made me realise.. I've not moved on, in life at all.

My career, though to some may look illustrious, is actually me being very lucky and blessed by The Almighty. Just happen to be around a place where I stand out and the ol managemnt are looking for young blood. Place me beside my ol frends at collage or uni, and I would be a puny minute dot amongst the shine of their brilliance.

And what do I have to be proud for since I have earned honest money? Most of it wasted on cars and boy toys and women and non of which has been spent on charity. The worst is I lack the direction for charity. Most of the time, charity doesnt involve much money..just your time and attention. Something I do not do.

I'm jealous of my buddy Acat. Got a babe for a fiance'. Still got his mom and the best makes the best of his time with charity. People like his ex-wife do not deserve even an iota of his self.

Which comes to my point. I have to accept the fact..my buddy has moved on. He has got a reason to live more than ever now. Love in his life, he has found. As of me? Thats where the music comes in. The reason, the part where I can just let go and fall in an embrace of melodies and chorus.

The funny things is, I can see my selfish side turn up more than ever. I want the band to stick on. I want this magical music experiance to keep on forever. But where do I draw that deviding line between what can happen..and what will happen?

Nothing is forever. A line has to be drawn, one day..

As I was passing...

Amongst a beautifull pattern
Lays line lost in weave
No one knows of how it happens
But its beauty in geometry

Along the waves that run to shore
Washes peebles that cast their beads
From motion to still, they randomly graze
But form a beautiful line of embedded scale

As I was passing by work today
I saw from far the pile of traffic
Some lines form inverted structures from vertical
Some grains of asphalt curved according to path
Some movements of the sky, as the morning breaks through Dawn's clouds

Beauty is a sight to behold, even in mundane objects
Anything and everything is beautiful
Just needs time to appreciate what you've got..and what you dont have
As I was passing...

Seeking solance.

My, my. Its 2007. What have we got to offer, ey? Nothings much that is as much as much there is that makes for all there is. What can I say anymore? Nothing any free mind can comprehend.

But then again, though stumble and fall, we pick up the pieces, we rise with whatever possesed and what might we have, to go again and fall back to the ground as fate dictates it. Do I make any sense? Shud I make sense? The more we make sense of things in our lives, the more confuse we get when the judgement we set turns wrong, fall back again we become to the beginning of the chapter...from which we fell.

But thats life innit. Kinda like a qoute this mua'alaf said in the documentary on Hajj by National Geographic.." The reason we struggle and the temptations and test of the hajj, just simply test us that though we have astrayed, and left far away from the path, we come back, come crawling back on our hands and knees and look up to The Exalted, "

Best interpretation of life..for me. Yup we make mistakes. We learn from them. But what we seldom have is the strength to accept the consequences. I guess thats one part of that our elders forget to tell us when we are re-assured that its ok to make mistakes. My, my the elders.

Learning from mistakes and accepting the consequence are as different as apples and oranges. Its ok to say, "I'm sorry I drove so fast and bashed into your wife who was just standing waiting for the bus. I'm sorry. I was drunk". Yup learned your lesson. Now how was that jailed rape as you were left spending 5 years for 3rd degree manslaughter! Bit of a sore in the ass innit!

Oh why not the classic, sorry forgot the condom, I was drunk with passion but by the way I'm not looking for commitment, so ... you'll be alrite with that baby? Though in this circumstances I have to say many women out there are strong enuff to raise a kid on her own. Which in the end makes them admirable that they are the perfect picture of learning from a big mistake, accepting fate and living through the consequences. In the end..the joy of having someone who genuinely loves you makes up for all that was (admit guys we can only love our spouses to a certain extent innit!)

So, not trying to make a statement. Just saying, that I genuinely want to be frends with you ppl out there. In particular for the female amongst us, some I fancy. Pls feel free to test if I am boyfrend material, lover material (nak test drive my wedding tackle dulu ke..which comes highly recommended), or for the extreme nak terus kahwin ke... go ahead. If I dont make the cut, well its not fate then. But be assured that I will be a loyal frend.

But if you start testing frendship. To see the extent of a frendship. Just by setting fear factor challanges just to see how far I will go before I crack...AS A FREND! Than adios. So, appology accepted. I just dont want to see you again. Question to other bloggers, wouldnt you do the same?